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Stop: It’s finals time!

April 9, 2010

Do you offer the coffee I.V. in mocha?

Why was I able to type that with so much pep? Because I’m all hopped up on caffeine, obviously. The average college student’s Starbucks coffee intake quadruples in the month of May. Yes, I absolutely did just make that statistic up. But it’s gotta be close!

Here’s a list of 15 drinks featured on Starbucks “secret menu” courtesty of This finals week, switch things up a little bit and get real crazy with one of these specialty items:

1. Biscotti Frapuccino – This is a typical frapuccino but it has a biscotti blended inside. You will have to purchase the biscotti separate when you are checking out, but you can have it in any flavor frap. A.K.A the “Fat Girl’s Frap”
2. Short Drink – This is a less expensive version of any Starbucks drink. It is smaller than a tall with a lower price. A.K.A the “Midget Martini”
3. Red Eye – This is a shot of espresso in regular drip coffee. A.K.A the “Late Night Flight”
4. Black Eye – This drink has 2 shots of espresso in regular drip coffee. A.K.A the “Chris Brown”
5. Green Eye – This drink includes 3 shots of espresso in regular drip coffee. A.K.A the “Never Sleeping Again”
6. Poor Man’s Latte – We recommend you do not tell your Barista you are planning on creating this drink when you order. Order an iced Americano with no water and half ice, then use the free milk on the side to mix it up to your standards. A.K.A the “Cheapskate”
7. Poor Mans Chai Latte – Same recommendation as above applies here. Order a Chai Tea Misto with extra foam, two tea bags, and half cinnamon and half vanilla syrup. A.K.A the “Cheapskate 2.0”
8. French Pressed Coffee – If you want coffee served fresh from a French press you may have it with any variety in the shop. A.K.A the…ya I got nothing, sorry.
9. Chocolate Cream Frapuccino – This is a frapuccino made with chocolate syrup and chocolate frapuccino base. A.K.A the “Cellulite Creamer”
10. Cake Batter Frap – Order a vanilla frappucino and ask for both the vanilla bean and almond flavorings. It will taste just like cake batter. A.K.A “Disgusting”
11. Crunchberry Frap – Flavored like the crunchberry cereal, this is a strawberries and cream frappucino with hazelnut flavoring. A.K.A “The Captain on Crack”
12. Strawberry Blended Lemonade – Although this has been taken off the menu, most locations will still blend the strawberry flavoring with lemonade for you. A.K.A the “Berry Big Pain in the Ass”
13. London Fog – This is made with vanilla flavoring in Earl Gray Tea. A.K.A “Jack the Sipper”
14. Zebra Mocha (also called a Tuxedo or Penguin Mocha) – This is a mix of the white chocolate and regular chocolate mocha. A.K.A the “Michael Jackson”
15. Red Tux Mocha (also called Bleeding Penguin) – The same mix of white chocolate and regular chocolate mocha with raspberry flavoring. A.K.A the “Fancy Pants”

Note: all the A.K.A’s are names I made up for my own entertainment. I would not recommend using them in real life…especially the one that references MJ’s privates.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. somedayillhaveparis permalink
    April 9, 2010 12:11 pm

    Just found your blog and love it! Great post…as a Starbucks addict I find it helpful and your AKA names were too funny and true.


  2. April 9, 2010 12:38 pm


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