How not to win friends and influence people: Classroom etiquette

5 Sure-Fire Tricks for Academic Success and Classroom Friendship Building…

1. Correct the teacher. Because teachers really like being made to look stupid in front of their class. Like, really like.

You, with the smart answers, get out of my classroom...

2. Ask questions that aren’t questions. Because every person in the lecture hall is dying to know how smart you are! Every inane piece of knowledge you spew disguised as a question is a little ray of sunshine added to the melanoma of their day. Oh, and people really like it when you do this toward the end of class. You know, like after the teacher says “If there is nothing else, you can go.”

3. Remind the professor to collect homework, papers, etc. This is a really good way to boost morale and bond with classmates. Just be sure there are metal detectors at the entrance to the building.

4. Don’t blow your nose. Everybody loves a Mr. Sniffles! He, Mr. Gum Chomper, Mrs. Too Much Perfume, and Mr. Teachers Pet are always the most popular kids in school!

No thank you, I don't use Kleenex. They are notorious cat hideouts...

5. Throw off the curve. Make your classmates reach for the stars! You cheat, and they learn not to rely on the fact that no one else understands the material. What a valuable life lesson for them! It’s win-win really.